Time to face the music

This morning, I am suffering from much anxiety as today is the day when I meet the "other woman". David (Brent's Dad)has been married nearly 2 years, Brent's mom passed around 2 and a half years ago. I have never met Arbra, and quite honestly, I am very very scared. I am going tonight to stay the night at their home. (I really think I am going to vomit) I am so nervous. I see the necessity of a grandmother for my children, and I want them to have the most normal life possible, but this woman and I have butted heads in the past and I have some really difficult feelings to deal with. I resent the fact that this after noon, I am on my way up the canyon to see their newly built home. My dear mother lived in this old house, with no dishwasher, no storage space, heating and cooling that worked if you tweaked it just right, a kitchen that was built in 1950, (metal cupboards and all), a garbage disposal that backed up on a regular basis which landed her in the "crawl space" digging threw sewage. She had toilets that refused to flush down poop, toilets that backed up all the time, a wood kitchen floor that was never sealed and to her embarrassment was never ever clean because it was full of dirt that wouldn't come out of the woodwork. She wore dresses from 1970, t-shirts and pants with holes, sewed her garments back together again, tailored her families clothes, and watched her family go deeper and deeper in debt and she finagled every last penny around trying to be wise about her money.
I feel so much resentment about the fact that she lived like that and this woman has the house, the dishwasher, the clothes, and the dream!! I know that mom doesn't care, I know that she would tell me that it is okay, and none of that matters, but I am just so upset about it and I can't imagine going there and being able to not show those emotions. It is going to be a rough 24hrs. Coming back to SLC has been a little difficult, but so far I haven't been to the East side, so it hasn't been too bad, but soon I am going to have to go over there and realize that she is gone. Maybe today I need to go to her old house and her grave and take a little closure before I meet this woman. I don't know.... AND to top it all off, I have to go with her to women's conference tonight! ummmm, don't know if I like that idea. :-(