Visitors

This weekend some dear friends of ours came to stay for a day. We met in Des Moines during medical school, they are originally from Texas, and now live in Detroit. They were passing through this area to go to her brothers wedding and stopped to play with us for a day! We loved having them visit. They arrived at about 1:30 am on Sat morning, and the kids passed out all over the house, and slept in a bit. We headed out to the Science Center in the morning where we got super lucky! They were having a little celebration and were giving out free drinks, balloon sculptures and face painting. There were not nearly as many people there as I thought there would be. We had a wonderful time. We also took them to the "Fudgery" (yum yum) and we walked up the inner harbor and went to ESPN Zone. I hated this part as I don't like arcades anyway, and they charge you an arm and a leg for every game. The only kind of arcade that I like is the nickle cade, and even then I think it is dumb to put your money into a machine. (however I spent $25 on fudge w/o batting an eye :-) ) We then came home where we ate pizza hut and then Cory (their mom) and I went shopping for a few hours. We got some good deals. It was a great time. The kids had a ball. They picked up right were they left off. They have so much fun together. Their children are so well behaved and well mannered it was a delight to have them come.

Flashback Friday

Ah ha, it is Friday and I have a flashback. (Tricia, you asked about this group of girls that blog... well we don't get together to blog, we just all read each others blogs and take ideas from one and other. It has just caught on in the ward and a lot of sisters are doing it.) Any who, so today I wanted to blog about Alex. Alex has a very interesting mind. Ever since he was very small you could just see the gears spinning inside this kids head. He wants to know how things work, and he wants to "check stuff out". I am sure that this is a boy trait, but being my only boy, I find it unique. When he was about 2 one of his favorite things to do with me is get the screwdriver and take apart the "popper". (one of those little toys that kids are suppose to walk along and push, it has a blue handle and little colorful balls inside the dome at the base of the handle) He love to see how it all went together and eventually we would take it apart and he would hand me the pieces in the correct order to put it back together again. He loved this. He was often caught getting into trouble.
He would often times get caught getting into things and he would try to smooth it over with a big smile. The picture on the left is his, uh oh I got caught and the right is, but I'm so cute you won't be mad right???

When Alex was about 3 years old and I was nursing Tori, he would find a variety of things to keep himself busy. This day, he went back and forth to the pen drawer (which was plentiful with drug rep pens) and built this bridge like structure. It was so interesting to watch his little mind work through this.

You can't really tell, but the boy is actually in the cupboard! And again we witness the smooth it over face. :-) I have looked and looked and I can't find the picture of him finger painting with Crisco on the cupboard door. That one is a favorite, I'll have to keep searching.

Here he is monkeying around at my mom and dads place. Who knew this about my little reserved boy? I had almost forgotten that he was like this. I wonder if it will ever come back out. He has always love to chill out and read though, he still does like to just curl up and look at a book.

My how quickly they grow. Alex started life so itty bitty, and has grown into quite a boy. He is so fun to have around and really loves to learn. He has always asked questions that made me know that he was really thinking. Here is a picture of him in the beginning. So so tiny. :-)

The Fear In Me

Today was the last 1/2 day for Liza and Alex. I taught at the gym this morning, mailed a package to my neices and then ran an address book over to Liza at school. (she has a summer birthday and I always forget to get the phone numbers of her friends) , anyway. Then I ran home to pack a lunch so that when the oldest two came home from school, we could head out for a picnic. We went over the water front in Columbia to watch the free lunch concert in the park. I love doing this, we park our blankets under the wonderful shade of these huge trees and there is a live band playing at the bottom of the hill. We all munch on our lunches while mommies gab and kiddos run around playing, and occationally smacking eachother with sticks. It is so nice, I love it. So today after the wonderful time at the park (which happens to be right across from Columbia Mall), we quickly hopped over to the mall to do a little shopping. Alex and Wyatt got a hair cut while I took the girls to Clairs to look at "the pretties" then we headed down to Disney store. Lucky us, they are having their Semi annual sale and so we lucked out with $2 flip flops, $2 disney toy cell phones, and >$4 for a 3 pk of under pants. We found a ton of deals, then of course a potty break had to happen, so Jeri ran to the potty with 'talia. While she was gone, I was manning the other 5 and was trying to get up to the register to pay. By this time, all were scattered and chaos was starting. Tori was climbing on the stroller to play with Katie. She was standing on the foot rest on the front. I said, "okay Tori, get down." To which she replied "Nooooooo, I don't want to..." (in her whiniest little 3 yr old voice). To which I thought FINE, and pulled the stroller back in order to turn it a bit and push forward, she survived the pull back, but the push forward didn't happen because the wheels were turned sideways so the stroller stopped short and she fell off. So now, one would think, yeah, so she fell off of a step that is what 3 inches off the floor, so what. Well she went smack straight onto her head. It was quite a thud as her little melon smacked the ground. I stepped around the cart and over to her and immediately noticed that her left pupil was HUGE and her right pupil was tiny. I swooped her up in my arms (only I accidental stepped on her hair and pulled out a huge chunk when I picked her up) * I know I know, I am the BEST mom * Anyway, so at this point she is crying, then all of a sudden she falls silent and goes completely floppy in my arms. I start yelling at her "Tori, Tori, wake up, Tori." Then I started blowing in her face, the lady from Disney store asked me if I wanted to call 911, then she started moaning and coming back to. *sigh* I kept her in my arms for about 10 minuets trying to asses her while frantically calling Brent on the phone to see if there is any thing I should be watching for now that she was back conscious. The ladies at Disney were so wonderful and tried so hard to help. Jeri came back from the potty sometime in the 10 min recover phase and was shocked to see Tori as the center of attention, and a chunk of her beautiful blond hair on the floor. (poor Tori) She stayed really sleepy for almost an hour after wards. I brought her right home making sure that she stayed awake the whole way with an ice pack that Jeri happened to have in her lunch box (from the picnic). Daddy checked her out, looked in her eyes with a light and such, and then ran all the Dr. test to see if she showed any signs or symptoms, and then declared her fine. She perked right up during her little Dr.daddy visit and was set to go. We headed out to Cicis Pizza for a end of school Celebration. The kids love it there. We had a great dinner, YUM CICIS, and then came home and ran the tests on Tori again. Tucked the kids in and then I blogged instead of cleaning my house. (he he) Any who as the night has passed, I have taken the occasional moment here and there and thought of how horrific it would be to loose a child. I keep making myself not think about it, but oh, what would I do. I plan to wake her up before I go to be, just to make sure that she is still okay. What a day. :-0

Flashback monday?

Okay so I love this idea of having Flashback Friday. I think it is a wonderful way to make up for the lack of journaling I have done over the years. However I always forget on Friday and then when I remember.... it's not Friday, so I am thinking I may just have to do Flashbacks all the time. This moment was so sweet that I want to make sure that I never forget it. Once Morning when I was pregnant with Katie and laying on the couch full of morning sickness Tori came up to me, and gently said "you don't feel good mommy." I said "no, mommy feels really sick today." and then she stood in front of me as though demanding my attention, and sweetly sang "swinkle, swinkle, widdle star, how I wonder what you are. Pup pa bav da world so high, wike a dimond in da sky, swinkle, swinkle ,widdle star....... how I wonder what you are." She then softly hugged my head as I thanked her and then she went off to play. She is such a sweet girl.

This reminded me of anther thing. When Liza was this age, her solution for everything was a drink. If you were sick, she would bring you a drink. I remember one day when we lived in Philly (possibly pregnant with Alex) I was sick, and she went into the kitchen and asked Brent to get her a drink. He gave it to her thinking that it was for her and she brought it to me and told me that this should make me feel better. She also does that if you cry, she still to this day will bring you a drink if you're having a bad day. I wonder where this came from?

Just a taste of my most recent efforts with these big flowers

My Sweet Baby...... How I Love My Little Katie

My Beautiful little Model

I wish.......

Today I Wish I were a man......
............. they don't get bloated once a month,
............. they don't get cramps
............. they don't worry about every single thing they put in their mouths
............. when they exercise the weight falls off and the muscle tones up nice and firm
............. when their children see them they think Fun, not Food.
............. when they drive to and from work, it is in peace
............. when they eat lunch, it is in peace
............. they can lounge on the couch watching pointless television w/o much guilt at all
............. they do their hair in 2 seconds
............. they don't have to shave their legs (and other areas)
............. they don't have to pluck eyebrows or wear makeup
............. they don't worry about accessories
............. they don't plan meals
............. they don't make grocery lists
............. they don't pack for vacations
............. they don't change over the kids clothes every season
............. if they do dishes, clean a toilet, or wash a floor, the "hero cookies" showered down upon them in abundance. (positive reinforcements)
............. they don't feel that overwhelming guilt that a woman feels when she wants me time.
............. if they stink, it's no big deal, boys are supposed to stink. :-)
............. they don't endure labor
............. their nipples don't crack open and bleed
............. rarely do they get hemorrhoids
............. rarely do they get varicose veins
............. zits, not nearly as noticeable in a man.
............. being over weight is not nearly as gross (a man with a pot belly is not looked at by society as being as disgusting as a woman with one? am I wrong?)
............ Da da is easier to say then ma ma.

However................. I am glad that I am a woman
......... I get to buy pretty smelling things
......... I get to accessorize
......... I get to give life to another human being
......... I get to nurse off my baby weight (I am guessing this is why men don't loose that sympathy weight)
.......... My children love me and rely on me for the essentials of life
......... I get to play with different colors of make up and make myself look just a little different every day
........ I get to hear and see the kids do and say their firsts of everything.
........ I get to buy what looks yummy at the grocery store
........ I get to take my kids to the concert at the park
........ I am sure that there are many more..... It is tough sometimes, but I love being a mom and a wife, I do get jealous of the mans ability to let it all go and do what ever the heck he wants, but Some of that I am sure it my obsessive personality.

A link to the dance,

For those of you who havn't seen the dance, I am going to try to post Christinas Link to it here on my site. We'll see....

http://blogs.safetrax.net/jhansen/other/BellyDance.mov

Belly Dance

OOOh, I know you're all excited about this one! Here are the Belly Dancers. What fun to accomplish something that I worked so many months for. Christina and I started taking Belly Dance in January and have been going every Tuesday Evening. We were both so proud tonight as we finished out dance. It was so fun... I don't know if I will continue with Belly Dance, or if I am going to switch to Jazz, I have always enjoyed Jazz. Maybe Tap, how about clogging. Actually I tried to find someone to teach me Celtic Dance too. Anyway, here are the pics which is what we are all here for anyway right? :-) YEAH!!!

I hesitate....

I hesitate to post when I feel this way, as I don't want it to come across as a "cry for help", or a poor me, but I treat this as a journal and since it is read by many I also consider it a place where those who read it can see that they are not alone when they feel like this too. (holy run on sentence bat-man) Anyway, I don't feel like fixing it....Today I am having overwhelming feelings of inadequacy. I feel like no matter how I try and no matter what I do, I can't get my feet under me. I feel like I suck at my calling, my house has been a disorganized mess for 2 years, my finances are barely organized enough to avoid bounced checks, and my spirit is depleted to almost nothing. My testimony remains strong as I know the truth, but the natural man peaks through and desires to throw in the towel at the lack of perfection and the expectations at I put on myself. I take spare time for myself to do things like Belly Dance and teach water Aerobics, but then I come home and feel guilty that the house continues to suffer. I know that I could read my scriptures instead of bogs, but then I feel like i live in a bubble. I am so social that I think it would kill me to never do my social stuff. There are not enough hours in the day, I've gone to bed before 2:30 am once this week, and still live in a pig sty. With my 4 kids I have grown increasingly forgetful and flaky, and feel horribly about this, as I used to be SO organized. My heart is torn as my parents fight through this divorce, both telling little things to other people about each other. My cousin on my moms side, I am sure is avoiding me, so that we don't talk about it, it's just a mess. I feel self conscious about my post 4 baby figure as I approach a dance concert this weekend that exposes my mid drift, however I sit as we speak eating Lindt Chocolates as I drown in my self pitty.

However, I am grateful for the people that I have in my life here. I am grateful for Friends who love me and recognize my sadness. I am grateful for my sweet husband who upon hearing about my day told me that he had a song on our I tunes for me to listen to called "welcome to my life." I am grateful for his constant support and the fact that he never tells me that the house is a mess, or that I need to do better. I love him for that. I beat myself up enough, I don't need anyone else to do it for me. I love living here in Maryland and I love the sisters in our ward, they are wonderful. (really, not just cuz I know you guys read my blog) Well, I am going to wade through all my crap in my basement and go to bed and hopefully wake up tomorrow morning with a new outlook and the ability to get a bit done around here.

Whisper Week

We started on Saturday night on a new adventure at our house. We have deemed the whole week "whisper week". This means just that.... for a whole week we are to only whisper in our house and car. This was inspired by the fact that if you whisper to a child they will actually pay attention and listen. I also hoped that it would help us to feel the spirit more and to bring the noise level down in the house. Alex is having the hardest time of anyone because he has been on a rampage lately and is finding it hard to yell and argue about stuff in a whisper voice. When reminded to whisper he just stops and gets very frustrated that he has to whisper to communicate. This was one of my major goals of this event, to help Alex calm down and stop being so grouchy. He likes to yell at his sisters and complain really loud, and argue with anyone and anything that crosses his path. However it is very hard to do all these things in a whisper voice. He is frustrated, but I'll tell you what, he sure has calmed down, even in 2 days. I am excited to see the results of my little test. If all goes well, whisper week will be followed by "song week" where every thing we say must be sung, this inspired by as discussion between Jeri and I about homes that have the spirit in them and how those homes "sing". (its a good story Jeri, you ought to relay it) That will be followed by B.A.R.F. week which stands for Be A Real Friend week. I think it will be fun. Crazy, I know, but I hope it helps invite the spirit and helps the kids realize that our home is sacred. :-) I'll keep blogging as it happens.

Bliss

My dear friend Jeri uses the word "bliss" to describe those moments that you just wish could last forever. Now for me, these moments are few when all my kids are home, but today I had a moment of bliss. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, Liza was upstairs doing homework, Katie was down for a nap, Alex and Tori were playing nicely together down stairs, and outside it was storming. As I listened to the thunder roll, and watched as the lights went dim and bright with the lightning, and heard the rain pounding down and over flowing the eves, I could feel the cool breeze come in through the open window and there was bliss. I ate up every moment of it! Feeling so grateful for my life. So happy to be here in Maryland, happy to have my 4 beautiful children and wonderful hard working husband. I wish that every day could have a moment like this. Thank you Jeri for giving me a word to define the moment, it makes it more tactile.