Challenge

It seems that my challenge as a mother is to learn how to parent like Our Father in Heaven.   I really have a hard time parenting the way that I want to parent.  I know how I should handle situations, but I constantly find myself reverting back to the ways that I remember being parented.  Now, don't get me wrong, I think that my parents did a pretty good job.  Both my sister and I turned out pretty good, I think, but their ways were not always in conjunction with the way that Heavenly Father parents.   Sometimes I think that I turned out well because I feared my mothers disapproval more then anything in the world, her reaction and withdrawing in anger from me was more then I was willing to face.  I chose the right, most of the time because I couldn't bare to feel like she thought I was lesser of a person.  Until of course I was old enough to understand that she loves me unconditionally and that I need to make choices that please my heavenly father.   So my parenting style tends to fall into this realm of do as I say, or I will withdraw from you, be it withdrawing of your favorite things, or your favorite time, and sometimes even withdrawing me (in the same angry reaction as my mom).  Our Heavenly Father doesn't withdraw himself from us, he never would, He stands at the door, and waits.  I know that this is how I should be, and I try so hard to resist my first reaction to situations.  When I read books and articles from leaders, and members in the the Church (Read this months Presidency Message in the Ensign, it's very good)  on parenting, I am always faced with this inner battle, Like the  battle in heaven.  The Saviors plan of free agency and Satan's plan of controlling our destiny.  I love my kids so much and want for them to excel so much that I want to make their decisions for them, and control them right into adulthood in what ever way that I can, and if that means making them fear me, it was done out of love.  However, I love them too much to take away their agency!  I know that the Lords way is the right way, I guess what it comes down to is control issues.  I don't know when to let them make their own decisions.  A  4 year old for example, she needs some controlling, because she is not old enough just yet to know the consequences of her behavior, however a 9 year old needs much less.... or should need less..... it seems that I really struggle with Liza and her understanding of right and wrong, maybe she understands, and just doesn't care.  What ever the case may be, it seems that she isn't doing so well in the choices department, which brings me to my next issue.  Controlling my tongue.  No I don't curse like a sailor, well not all the time ;-)  I just react in a loud voice..... hummmm sometimes a far too loud voice. I am not a patient woman either, always in a rush.... rush rush rush.....  how annoying to live with!  I have really been working on this lately as I know that it is not right, our lessons/ meetings for the past 2 Sundays  have been on Controlling your tongue.   I have a girlfriend who I admire, and she has a little check list for thinking before you speak....  she always asks herself before she says something....

1. Is it true?

2. Is it kind?

3. Is it necessary?

I love this, I just have to get into my mind to go through them before I open my mouth and start rambling.  I am better at it with adults then i used to be, but still need work, and I really need work with my kids.  They pretty much get what ever pops into my head most of the time.  Usually not too terrible, but not the best either.  I am trying really hard to be a bit more rational and not engage in childish arguing (especially with Alex, he is my debater, and Liza has learned from him how to negotiate.)  I struggle with trying to prove to my kids that I am right, rather then letting it go.  Silly, I know, I usually realize this after the fact.

 

I have to say that i also look at large families in general, you find that as the parents relax with the last children,  those are the kids that fall away, or are lazy, or just stinkers, and that puts the fear in me that if I relax even a drop, one of them will fall away. :-(  I guess I just need to find a good balance, I know that it is out there, I feel like I am on the brink of some major discoveries as I dive into this world of Christ like parenting.  I am going to order some books that were suggested by a friend and wonderful example (thanks Kellie) and we'll see how it goes.  I studied this in school, because I went to Ricks we had a class on "Teach the Child" which is about the Savior way with children, but I never considered that I would have such a hard time applying it with my own children.

My Goals......

1. Use a kind voice and kind words.

2. Love them after discipline

3. Slow down.

4. Hug them more.

5. Be patient as they learn