Therapy (warning, winey post)

Over the years I have developed several forms of Therapy.  

There is my favorite, and my "drug of choice"  Retail Therapy: At this time of year, this is not much of an option...  who goes out and buys themselves stuff  10 days before Christmas?  As for my go to substitute for buying for myself, this is not the best time of year to be spending money on "household items" either.

I would say that my second favorite form of Therapy would be Gal Time:  At this time of year.... not plentiful.  With all the hustle and bustle of the season, folks going out of town, folks coming into town, there is not a whole lot of gal time to be had.  

When budget restricted and alone, I tend to turn to Chocolate as my third option:  Oh, this time of year offers a spread of treats beyond belief, and also the excuse that "the diet begins in January."  However, my Chocolate/ treats don't seem to be helping much.... and so the search continues,

So here I am reading blogs and writing a blog.... seeking therapy through my glowing box.  Hoping to be sucked away from life's troubles, and into a world of bliss.  (I'll tell you if I find bliss in the glowing box, but I am not hopeful)

If none of that works, I will be forced to try another twilight fix.  Either another viewing of the movie, or hours sucked into the book.  With the busy season at hand, I doubt that I will take the time to read the book again, so call me if you want to join me at the show.  :-)

I used to run to the gym every time I needed a lift... maybe I should do that again... right now, I feel like my kids are tired of the gym and to ask them to go any day that I am not working, makes me feel like I am pushing my luck.  I know however that when we move, we are ALL going to miss this gym, in all it's beauty, and I will regret not spending more time there.  I also feel like my water classes are getting boring.. I need to jazz things up a bit, but when I do, these poor students look like a bunch of Birds going all the wrong way. :-)

When all my ideas seem to fail,  I end up a blubbering mess at 2 am.  Which is not Brents favorite time of day.  I think that sometimes I spend the day seeking seeking seeking something.... and when nothing works, and I give up finding something at 2 am, thats what happens.

What am I seeking therapy for?  What is it that I am running from?  Oh, worries, and fears mostly.  The whole moving thing... I've adjusted rather well, and quickly I think, to the idea that we will likely land somewhere small, when I will need to find  a new way to fly.  But for years and years, seriously.. like 8 years!  I have been looking forward to the days when we would be done being the peon, and begin making money, and working 'normal' work hours.    We found out LONG ago that our pay in the army would be significantly less then a civilian Dr. and we've dealt with that lost dream.  But I never imagined that the hours wouldn't get better.  Every time life turns over, and we begin a new chapter of this medical tour, I get told that things are going to get better, and every time, it gets worse.   All through residency I've been told that the hours get better the longer you're there.  That by his 4th year, it should be better... not so.... not yet.  So I was looking to after graduation, when we would be working with for the army, as I hear stories of Dr's for the Army wrapping up the work day at 3 pm.  I was sure that we would be a "normal" family soon.  That my husband would come home after a 8-9 hour work day and help out, that I could count on him for dinner, and FHE.  That my kids would know more of who he is, and would feel more connected to him.  

Upon some research of the places that the army is looking to send us, we have found that at a lot of them Brent would be the ONLY ANESTHESIOLOGIST !!!  Oh yes, the only... in a hospital where they deliver babies.  Oh yes, that means call...  oh, no not every so often... every single day?!?!?!  What the heck??!?!   We haven't found someone to confirm our fears, but how else do they run a hospital with only one Anesthesiologist?  Why oh why can't we have a 'normal' go of things... just for a while?  not forever, but just for a while.

And so I seek on...  seeking strength to do ANOTHER 4 years on my own.  Another 4 years with an exhausted husband and absent father.  I thought it was over.. that is the hard part.  I thought it was a light at the end of my tunnel.  Once AGAIN, it's not the end of the tunnel, it's another frigging on coming train!