To The Future

So lately I have been stewing about how we look to the future. This has actually been an issue for me for the past 2 years or so. I have found that I spend a lot of time looking to the future for a little pick me up. I always think, "well, as soon as...... we are done school....... the baby is old enough...... we are done with the army..... we have kids...... the youngest one is in kindergarten..... the kids graduate high school..... I get this one thing done....." I have begun to realize that this is no way to live. I have come to somewhat envy people who live in the moment. Who buy those $100 boots cuz they are just too cute to pass up. The people who take their kids to the mall and buy them anything without one thought as to weather they are spoiling them, or teaching them that they don't have to work and earn money to get by in this world. I am always looking ahead and trying to beat the trials of the future. I want to do every thing in my power to stop trouble before it happens. Lately however I am coming to realize that you can't stop some things, and you have to over come some disappointments. You can't plan the future, no matter how hard you try. Which brings me full circle to the beginning of my post.... why do we look so longingly to the future, when it is out of our control? How in control of the future are we? You see, in my mind, I had an image of my future with my parents, my kids going to my childhood home and visiting them. That dream is over, it will never happen again, this is terribly disturbing to me, and leaves me wondering why I do this to my self? Why do I make up little pictures in my mind of how things should be. We draw up these little pictures for every aspect of our lives, we jump to conclusions of how things ought to be only to have these hopes dashed as we face the sometimes cruel mortality. So this leaves me still begging the question..... Dare I Dream? Dare I Plan? Dare I Look Forward At All? Or Shall I Live In The Moment? Spoil The Kids? Rock The Baby To Sleep Every time (even though they say it will ruin their sleep habits)? Eat More Chocolate? Go On A Family Vacation?

I don't know if I am portraying my thoughts very well, but I am sure I will stew over this for some time, so if I think of a better way to put it, I am sure you will hear about it again. Conclusion for today however is.... I need to find a balance where I try to be happy today while still planning for some things in the future. Life is about learning, and sometimes those lessons are hard and they sometimes hurt, but we have to grow somehow, and I suppose no one grows up unless they have to. :-) (darn it)