Invisible Mother

( I received this in an email from Brent's cousin... it touched me, and I thought I would share it.)

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking,  'can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm Invisible.  The invisible mom.  Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: can you fix this?  Can you tie this?  Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm no even a human being.  I'm a clock to ask, "what time is it?"   I'm a satellite guide to answer, "what number is the disney channel?"  I'm a car to order, " right around 5:30 please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.  She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England.

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.  It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

"To Charlotte, with admiration fo the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book.

And I would discover what would become for me, four life changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:  No one can say who built the great cathedrals- we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam.  He was puzzled and asked the man, "why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the rood?  No one will ever see it."  And the workman replied, "because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte, I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.  No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over.  You are building a great cathedral but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like and affliction.  But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness.

It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder.

As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.  

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table."  

That would mean I'd build a shrine or a monument to myself.  I just want him to want to come home.

And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "you're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals.

We cannot be seen if we're doing it right

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at wheat we have build, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does.

 

We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

Great Job, Mom!!!

FYI

7 years ago, on April 14th 2001, I bought a box of  1500 toothpicks at the dollar store.  Brent teased me about my economy box of toothpicks and questioned me how long it takes to go through 1500 toothpicks.  I wrote the date on the box right there and then, and it has moved around with us ever since.  Well folks apparently it takes about 7 years!  I recall a spill at one point where we lost quite a few to a dirty kitchen floor, but you have to account for accidents too. So next time you fork out a whole 100 pennies for a box of 1500 toothpicks, know that you have invested in 7 years of pricking cakes, coloring frostings, and even some picking of teeth.  (honestly I can't remember the last time I used a toothpick for that purpose. :-))

2 kinds of people

Years ago Brent and I were playing games with our friends Pat and April.  We were playing a game that required each person to have a bunch of chips.  We had a laugh as we noticed that Patrick and I had our pieces all lumped in our own little messy piles, while Brent and April (who is a nurse) had their pieces all nicely organized in even stacks.  We had a little discussion about how we ended up with each other,  and wondered what happens when a "piler" marries a "piler" or a "stacker" marries a "Stacker".  We also wondered how early in life this is manifested.   And today, I found out that at as early as 2 years old, a person will manifest...... "piler" or "stacker".  I gave Katie these grape halves in a big pile (being a piler) and moments later, she had them neatly arranged.  Ah, finally a kid that will keep her stuff organized.  (LOL, YEAH RIGHT!) 

Which one are you?

4.8 lbs - 7 years old!

Today my sweet boy turned 7!  How on earth did that happen?  Which was also what I was asking myself 7 years ago today.... 

We were in that peachy point in our lives, one sweet little 2 yr old and a baby on the way.  His due date was June 22nd ( I believe), so we were not ready what so ever for a new baby.  We went out for a walk as a family,  on a beautiful spring evening in Philadelphia, PA.  As Brent and I chatted, we took turns "chasing" Liza to keep her entertained.  Nothing too crazy though.  As we walked home I complained to Brent that the "braxton hicks" were crazy bad tonight.  We got home and I put Liza in the Tub.  As I sat with her I watched the clock and realized that these contractions were coming very evenly.  I called my Dr. (who happened to be on call at the hospital that night, and was already there)  He told me to come in, just to be safe.  We puttered around and took Liza to a sitter.  At this point the contractions were getting quite uncomfortable, but I still didn't think that I was actually in Labor.  In Philly, you registered down stairs and then someone from L&D came down to get you and take you up.  As we waited another sister in the ward came in and was registering.  We had a good laugh, as she was 2 weeks over due and I due in 6 weeks.  They took me upstairs as they finished registering my friend.  It was a busy night in the L&D, and they were just finishing getting my room ready, so they left me in the hall waiting.  Keep in mind that I am having some pretty good contractions, but I hide it well.  Then, all of a sudden, plans change, I can no longer have the room that they were clearing for me,  they tell me, since I am probably not in labor, they are going to give the room to a woman who just came in who is 2 weeks over due, who they know is going to have a baby tonight.  (yup, that's right, she stole my room!)  They then took me back to what can only be described as a Storage Closet.  There was a cupboard full of supplies, a broken bed, w/o stirrups, a clock and a sink.  They had me climb in and they started an IV.  You're just dehydrated the nurse told me.  I remember hoping that she was right, but knowing that these contractions were awfully strong and horribly familiar.  Everyone was very casual until the resident dr. came into the room and talked to me.  He chatted with us for a bit and then decided that he ought to check and see if I was dilated at all.  Expecting not much, there was some excitement when he told the nurse, "Um, she is at a 7... no wait, and 8!"  Then the fur flew.  Oh my, the woman, in the storage closet who was 33 1/2 weeks is going to deliver any minute!t The NICU team showed up a doctor and a few nurses, a warming bed and a few more nurses.... my little "room" was getting crowded.    My Doctor was there with in 5  minutes and informed me that there was no time for an epidural.  (this did not please me)  I remember grabbing Brent by the front of his shirt and pulling him down to my face and saying "You get me something!!!  I am not doing this with out something, it is going to hurt like H$%#!!!!"  He said "Honey, you don't understand the baby is coming now, they can see him!"  The Dr. Kindly gave me a shot of Lydocane (SP) to numb things up a bit, and out Alex slid.  Yup, a 4 1/2 pounder just slides out.  Really they do!  There is no pushing, just sliding!  They tossed him onto my belly and rubbed him up, he was so small, I could hardly believe it!  What a whirl wind!  I remember the nurse saying "Oh, he is pinking up on room air."  Oh I was so proud of my little man, and then he was snatched from my blissful arms, as a nurse shouted, "he's turning blue!"  Then there was a wall of people between me and my new child, there was beeping and chaos and a WHOLE LOT of acronyms!  I was so worried I was going to loose him.  It makes me sick just thinking about it even today.  They put him on a ventilator and in a closed islet where he stayed for a few days.  I think those few weeks were some of the hardest weeks of my life.  I didn't have a lot of help with Liza, and Brent was still in school, and getting ready for finals none the less.  Back and forth to the hospital, thinking he was doing better then finding out that he stopped breathing several times in the night.  Then thinking he was doing better, then finding out that his heart was stopping through out the day.  Mothers day came and went, and I sat in his hospital room and watched 2 other babys get discharged, and cried that I couldn't take my baby home.  It took a while to get him well and home, but it's likely a good thing because it took us a very long time to name him.  The nurses made fun of us for taking so long.  He was named Alexander because it goes with Elizabeth, yup, that was the thinking, that and it sounds professional, and it has a cute short name, and the name isn't a place of a thing (that is Brent's thing) and, it sounded good with what I wanted to name him which was Jack.  Alex's middle name is Jack, he is named after my Grandfather on the Maternal side.  Grandpa Jack was an inventor and a pilot, and has been my families 'hero' for as long as I can remember.  But that is a story for another post.  

Alexander finally came home with a heart monitor.  It beeped when ever he stopped breathing, or if his heart stopped beating.  He was also on a prescription for caffeine to stimulate his brain to keep him breathing and keep his heart going.  It was an interesting time.  So here he is 7 years later.  Scooby doo is all the rage, that and star wars.  His bestest friends in the whole world and Wyatt and Micah and his cousin Ethan (who he so wishes lived closer)  He usually gets along really well with his sisters and fares pretty well in this house full of girls. Happy Birthday Buddy.  

His party is tomorrow, so I am up writing this at 4 am, after finishing his cake for tomorrow. OOOhhh wee, who's gonna be a craptacular mommy tomorrow?!?!  :-) 

Katie's Birthday

Sweet Little Katie

This is my favorite birthday picture!  She looks so happy.  She carried around this gift for hours with out opening it.  It was so cute.

This is my 3rd, and I believe final Dora cake.  I think I got my $'s worth out of that cake pan.  :-)  Glad Dora stayed "in" for so long.  :-)

Katie didn't know what to think of the candles.  She actually seemed afraid, and never did blow out her candles.  She just stared at them and wondered why we would put fire on Dora and then put it on her lap.  She pretty much sat there with this look on her face until her candles were almost melted down into Dora's hands.  Then she looked like she was going to cry.  Then we helped her blow out the candles.  What a funny girl.

This is my favorite expression, and I love how dirty she is.  This is at the end of the day, after all the festivities.  She was SO excited about new Dora socks, shirt, jammies, swimsuit AND underwear.  She was one happy girl.  She also was excited about her new Cinderella baby, a little people ABC animal set and a talking backpack toy.  What a wonderful Birthday!  Lucky girl!!

Happy Birthday Baby

Sniff.... Today my baby Katie turns 2!  Where on earth does the time go?  Could my baby really be 2?  

Katie has been an absolute joy nearly every day that she has been here with us.  Katherine's middle name is Shirley, and boy does that mean a lot to our family.  Katie will surely continue to carry the name with honor.  She always has a smile for you, and she has quite the sense of humor.  She is such a blessing to our family.  She keeps me grounded when the rest of the kids drive me nuts.  She has a tender heart, and just wants you to be pleased with her.  She loves to color and thus far is left handed (I know, not great, but unique)  She loves to "help" me, and every day she does something to help.  I think she has some good examples in her siblings  that she is trying to be like.   Katie, you're my angel, and my sunshine, and my grace.  I Love you, Happy Birthday Baby!

Back in Business!!!

Whew, that was something else..... I'll tell you what!  But it is "done", I do have a pile of papers to go through, but oh my what I did do!!  I picked away at it for a few days and then finally on Tuesday night I called up my dear friend Scarlett (who just happens to be my Visiting Teacher) and asked her if she would like to come and visit teach me.  I told her my plans to dig through my mess in my basement and asked her to come and keep my company while I did this.  I HONESTLY didn't have any intention of making her work.  I really truly just wanted someone to talk to while I did it.  I work better that way, usually on the phone is when I get my best house work done.  (So if I call you, I am likely cleaning my house)  Anyway....  I don't know what I thought she would do, I guess I figured I would perch her on a stool and have her just sit there and say, "come on, that's trash, throw it out!"  or  "you'll never use that", but Scarlett came over ready to attack!  She buttered me up first with an Arbone Facial, and then she took me down to my basement and Spanked me!  Boy did I get in trouble when she saw my mess.  Her kick in the butt was just what I needed.  We sorted "Clean House" style, with piles, and used several strategy's to get me to let go of stuff.  I got quite the tongue lashing for my endless stash of gifts that I keep on hand for various occasions.  And was banned from all retail therapy.  :-)  It really made it fun to have someone else here with me working toward my goal.  No I didn't take before and after pictures.  That would have been just too embarrassing, but I can tell you this.. I now have some food storage, AND I also have my scrapbooking/ stamping table back, AND I can now get someone to come over and fix my light over my washer and dryer AND, I am having a yard sale on May 17th (come on over and bring your junk too), AND I am feeling about 1000 pounds lighter now that I have that done!  AHHHH, so much better.  

I did however go though with drawls.  I would look at my computer so longingly and when I would help Tori get on line, my home page would pop up and I would see that 14 blogs had been written, and it almost killed me to not read them.  SO SAD, I KNOW!!!  But I missed Blogging and pictures so much!  While i was out I took some photos of Christina on her 30th birthday, and I also got to do my first Maternity pictures.  Here is one picture from each, then I will let these lovely ladies post what ever else they want to share... (when I get them done ehum!)